Kisakye Joy (DIT and Worldview student)

"I come from a Christian family, just like most families in Uganda. My mom introduced God to us when we were much younger. I loved God in ways I thought a good Christian should. Now I know my relationship with God was much about performance. If I went to church every Sunday, said my prayers before going to bed, obeyed my parents, do all that, what more does God want from me? I thought that's what Christianity is all about, especially if, on top of that, I could help anyone in need. That should make me right with God. After all, I had confessed Him as my personal Lord and Saviour. But that did not mean much to me other than the comfort of not going to hell. My heart was far away from God, I lived in my sinful ways, and I did not honour God with my body. I did not know what it meant to walk with God on a daily basis. My everyday life did not reflect God in me, and to me, that was okay. After all, God knows our hearts, and He knows that I love Him. And I believed He rose and died for our sins.

One day, in my second year at university, a friend of mine invited me to attend DIT. I did not know what it was, and frankly, I did not care. One thing I heard, there is good food, and that was a good enough reason to go. Little did I know that God’s plan to redeem my heart had begun. Attending the Discipleship Intensive Training (DIT) impacted my life and led to major changes in my life. I ended a three-year relationship with my first boyfriend, who was taking me away from God. And to add on that, I lost my friends because I was not cool enough anymore, and now I dressed differently. I was becoming “overly” Christian, they said, and I just did not fit in anymore. God only knows how lonely and sad life was.

Some months later, my brother Joshua died. I thought I would die from that. As a matter of fact, I prayed to God to take my life many times because I could not bear the pain. In that period, nothing made sense to me. It wasn’t the first time I faced death, for my dad passed on when I was much younger. But Joshua’s death hit deep. I could see him everywhere, in my dreams, my thoughts, memories, and movies that had scenes that made me think of him. It was impossible to go a day without thinking of him. I was so broken within.

The Carrolls’ offered me a job working with them at home. And though I was heartbroken, sad, miserably miserable, and mourning my brother’s loss, God was planning boss moves to get a hold of my heart. I met a family that loved me for no reason. Their kindness was almost shocking, because I had not experienced true love outside my family. They were patient with me and understanding. They listened to my never-ending sad stories of my loss, especially my new, true best friend, Sarah, their youngest daughter.

I witnessed a new way of living that I had never seen, where we did evening devotions almost daily, properly communicated with each other, and I witnessed them ask for forgiveness when one wronged another. Our relationship quickly changed from an employer-employee relationship to a father/mum-daughter relationship. I don't even believe they saw me as an employee to begin with. This family loved God on a daily basis even when life was hard sometimes. My walk with God stopped being a Sunday business and a performance type. I understood the Father’s heart and His love for us. Following God stopped being so hard, because I knew I didn't have to perform to be accepted. All my head knowledge about who God is slowly turned into belief. God stopped being a faraway Father I talk to on Sunday morning, all dressed up, but a Person I can relate to where I was.

A lot of learning, unlearning and re-learning happened during this one year at the Carrolls. I strongly believe God used every small talk, big conversation, sermon, laughter, sadness, and happy moments to win me over to Himself, and I am so glad He did. I still mess up a lot, but I know one thing for sure: there is nothing that can take me away from the love of God."